AN "EXPLOSION" ON THE VEGAS STRIP

Although this trip was not "destination Vegas,"  I'll have to admit...Vegas was the only planned and time sensitive stop thus far! Regardless, I'd call our Vegas adventure more of a "drive by" where we simply checked out the scenery and were back on our way!...What happened in Vegas, anyways???

I suppose I could get away with leaving it at that...and going along with one of many exceptional quotes from The Hangover..."What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, except herpes, that shit will come back with you!" ...but since the title of this Blog is "French Kiss & Tell"...I'll share a bit (but not all) of our time in Vegas!

A nine hour drive wasn't going to stop up from "seeing the lights" (especially since it was Halloween) so we drove on, making only one stop just outside of The Vegas Strip.  Let's just say our night was bound to be great, we hadn't even made it to our hotel and we were already covered in glitter!..

We pulled into the valet area at Hotel Paris (how fitting) around 9pm.  We then proceeded to unpack the entire car in hopes of reorganizing and repacking everything tomorrow (2 girls + 9 bags for less than 12 hours = 1 unhappy bellman!) we also discovered (and allow me to be unintentionally vulgar here) the smell of wet cheese was in fact coming from inside our buried ice chest, apparently cheese does not smell good when left to soak up water in a tight airless space for 3 days....Since our ice chest smelled like the rest of Vegas we left it outside the front doors of Hotel Paris (more on the smell of Paris [France] later).

An Explosive Preview

Now for the costumes...I love Halloween...but I didn't want to buy a costume this year, I wanted to make one.  Our glitter filled stop just outside of Vegas was not to a strip club, but to a craft store.  I had to think fast and big...and that I did... in fact, I'll even go so far as to call my idea and creation "explosive!"  I managed to transform myself into a Firecracker while Jamie was one bad-ass warrior! We were out the door and in a cab in less than 2 hours of landing at Hotel Paris...there was no time to waste!  We even used the backseat of the cab to finish connecting my costume, women are great at multitasking!

Smurfin all the way!

We arrived at Wynn to meet my buddy, Jayson, who helps host these crazy events at a club in the Wynn (Vegas translation...we go to the front of the line and are escorted in due to our "connections" you might as well be royalty if you have friends in Vegas!)...Unfortunately we were required to check our memory and our coats at the door...what happened next will remain a mystery...unless the dancing watermelon or one of the smurfs spills the beans! (and no we were not on drugs...it was Halloween...so these things really did exist!)

I don't recall what happened...do you?

We were beyond exhausted by 4am, a true sign of my age...but apparently the taxi driver was even more exhausted than us.  He fell asleep at the wheel  while driving us back to our hotel!  Poor guy must have been pulling all nighters and not resting much between shifts, a real danger when you're driving so much (hmmm sounds familiar!)

Somehow we made it back mostly unharmed, slept a few hours...and made zero progress on repacking the car in an "organized fashion."  Vegas came and went, but I'm sure the red, silver,and blue glitter will be in that hotel room forever! 

In closing I'd like to share with you a little note I left behind....

Dear Vegas,

Thanks for the wild night of entertainment at the expense of others!  We are pleased to announce that we are leaving without making any deposits into your slots, and while we're on the subject, we will once again decline the offer of your most popular souvenir...the STD variety pack. I'm sure you will find plenty of others who will happily take one home to share!  In addition we hope you enjoy our contribution to help improve the smell of your streets; the old, wet cheese in an ice chest was an expression of our gratitude so there will be no need to repay us for this!  We are always happy to help! We love and miss you already! We will be back soon to cause more trouble and perhaps catch a Barry Manilow show! 

Forever Your Fans.

Stephanie & Jamie

We've had our fun so now it's time to get serious and focus on priorities!  First on the list? A massive meal at In-N-Out Burger and then a four hour drive to Hollywood for a much needed "Spa Day"...stay tuned!

A LAMB SHANK FOR DINNER & A T-BONE TO CUDDLE

T-Bone, me, and Angus

After encountering a Tarantula and a Mountain Cow on our hike through Aguirre Springs, it was time to get back on the road again!  We dropped off Jamie's daughter (Taylor "tot" as I call her), put an Albuquerque address into the navigation system and headed 4 hours down the highway....destination Jennifer James 101, Albuquerque's most sought after Restaurant!

We made it to Albuquerque in time to rinse the filth from our bodies, jump back in the car, and head to the Restaurant.  I would not count carcass's just to stay overnight in Aguirre Springs again, however, I would start my journey from the top solely to eat a meal prepared by the famed and talented Chef's of Jennifer James 101; Jennifer James and Nelle Bauer.  I enjoyed every bite of my perfectly paired meal (I'm still salivating over the Lamb Shank) right down to the unexpectedly delicious sample of Olive Oil Ice Cream topped with Balsamic Vinegar that Chef Nelle brought us to try.  If you are within carcass counting distance from Albuquerque, I highly recommend making a reservation at Jennifer James 101! 

A full belly and deliriously tired eyes means time for bed! Luckily we had the pleasure of staying with "my other half's" parents...who just so happen to be watching our dog,T-Bone, while we spend a year in Paris.  T-Bone is a very awesome dog.  He has been on "vacation" at his grandparents' house for a few months now, so the excitement was almost overwhelming when I walked in the door....Imagine his disappointment when he realized that his daddy was not with me...he is a very emotional (and awesome) dog who was clearly waiting for dad once I arrived!  Needless to say, he settled for me and I got to cuddle T-Bone while getting my first full night's sleep of the trip!  You know what they say though..."no rest for the wicked!"...It was early to rise as Jamie and I were driving nine more hours to spend Halloween in Vegas!!!!  "TROUBLE IS A FRIEND, TROUBLE IS A FRIEND, TROUBLE IS A FRIEND OF MINE!" -Carbon Leaf

IS THERE ROOM FOR ONE MORE?

13 hours, 30 carcasses, and one additional little passenger later...(no, not a hitchhiker or a carcass, but my co-pilot's seven yr old daughter who lives in Las Cruces) Now we were finally ready to set up camp!  We had packed a two man (or two chicks and a "tot") tent as well as a "Dora the Explora" cabana type thing (which later blew away and had to be held down by small boulders!)  I built a fire using a few random sticks and lots of lighter fluid...(lesson learned...invest in some wood) and was able to generate enough heat to warm some soup and roast a few mallows!  With tired eyes we all squeezed into the tent and as I listened to the sounds of nature and little snores I realized that I was not going to sleep much.  Instead I'd "protect" our campsite by clutching a dull pocket knife as (slight) paranoia kept me awake and on guard!....Day three without sleep was quickly approaching, but luckily I fulfilled my duty and kept all predators at bay!  

All in all the campsite and hiking were gorgeous in Aguirre Springs, and I found out first hand that camping there is rather safe!  I would highly recommend a stop at Aguirre Springs if you ever find yourself counting carcasses on your way out of Texas and need a place to crash for 3 bucks a night!  One final word of advice...DO NOT set up camp and leave the premises if you plan on returning after 5pm...this will upset the groundskeeper IMMENSELY and she will consider not letting you back in...if she does let you back in she will lecture you for at least 20 minutes on how inconvenient you have made her life!...I do not think it was the thought of wild animals that kept me awake that night...I think it was the fear that this woman was still ENRAGED as she had to unlock the gate after 5pm...You've been warned!

Now if only I can make it four more hours...A delicious meal, a warm bed, and a cuddly T-Bone awaits!

Aguirre Springs Camping

HOW MANY CARCASSES DOES IT TAKE...

 4am coffee break with the Beaver!

In usual style my journey to Paris began at 2am on Friday, October 29 . My little black Lexus was fully loaded with things I didn't really need, and a co-pilot who had no idea what she had gotten herself into!  I had returned from Japan just two days prior, finished my packing, inhaled a few Red-Bulls and began the first 13 hour leg of a cross country road trip (with the final destination being Paris, France).  For those of you that know me, I'm sure this comes as no surprise!  For those of you who do not, stay tuned... 

Driving through Texas is not my idea of a fantastic time..but I'm always up for a game...so, as to enhance the ambiance and feed my ADD, I posed a question....How many carcasses does it take to get to El Paso?  The answer??? Let's just say you could feed a small country for a week and have leftovers!  Carcass' big and small painted the sides of the highway as I continued to gnaw on my homemade beef jerky and drown myself in rotating cups of coffee and Red-Bull..and for the record...it took nearly 30 carcasses, 10 hours, and six Red-Bulls to get to El Paso...Now watch out fellow Las Cruces campers....We're tired, hungry, and looking for a place to set up this "Dora the Explora" tent!